More than not I am on the other end of the “My brother's keeper” situation. Don't get me wrong, I do serve others and take great joy in encouraging and witnessing to people about my Savior Jesus, but many times I am the one who is in need of being encouraged. You see I have suffered from bipolar disorder from childhood.
My life has not been “Normal” as the world would view it. It was not until I was in my 30's that I was diagnosed. As a young person, I did not know how to “reach out” but I did know how to “act out”. I would get better for a while but the same old wall of dread would show it's head once more and I would sink again. My family had no idea what was going on, they just thought I was defiant and selfish. Thinking back I don't really blame them. There were many times that I was out of control and needed help. I needed someone to look past the defiance and self-destruction and see the pain and defeat that was at the core of who I was.
It was not until I finally figured out that God was not ready or willing to let me die that I gave myself completely to Him. I had tried to commit suicide three different times, but as you can see it never succeeded, although it was not from a lack of trying. I can remember waking up and crying because I was alive. I really wanted to die and rid myself and my family of the pain. “BUT GOD”, had a different plan. I did not like it, but I had no other path left than to give my life to Him, I certainly did not want my life any longer. I only had one request that He would hold me tightly and never let me go because I knew when I felt better I would be trying my hardest to get out of His grasp.
Well, I did try to squirm out of God's hands a time or two and guess what, He did not drop me!! He held onto me like I was the most important thing He possessed. So I decided to put some effort into this relationship. You see from the start He was carrying me and loving me which made it easier for me to follow Him and began to love Him back. He was my Savior. Not just the Savior of my physical life, but the Salvation of my soul, He is my Best Friend, Jesus!!
Hey I can still be a hot mess and depression is still looming around looking for a place to land, but one thing is certain, I have my Jesus to help me through. I can promise you that when I do finally leave this world when God decides the time is right, I will be holding my Best Friend's hand, with joy and peace in my heart. This world no longer has a hold on me!! The Father, my Abba, is holding me like I am His most precious possession.
If you are suffering in this life, please consider giving your life over to Jesus. If you do I can promise you that you will never suffer alone again. He will never leave you and never disappoint you. You see He gave His life for you, you are that important to Him. He also defeated death and lived again so you could have a new life with Him if you chose to. Please pray and ask Him to take your life and make it new. Ask Him to forgive you where you have failed and never let you go. My friend this is what life is about, a life of peace and joy with the Savior Jesus Christ! Beautiful, just Beautiful!!
Have a Blessed Week!
Your Sister in Christ,
Jacque Barnes
